


My days are numbered

by crookedspoon



Series: Exchange Fics [89]
Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Crack, EAD Birthday Bash 2021, F/F, Joke Gifts, POV Gideon Nav, Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28733961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: I like to mark my calendar with bright neon colours. It’s the highlight of my day.
Relationships: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Series: Exchange Fics [89]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/51139
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30
Collections: Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash 2021





	My days are numbered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Prinzenhasserin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prinzenhasserin/gifts).



In the year of our Lord, the King Undying, the kindly Prince of Death, ten thousand and—hold on, which one was it exactly?

"Harrow, would you mind telling me what year it is?" Gideon asks, pointedly not looking at the new wall decoration that's perfectly positioned above Gideon's head so that Harrow would have no choice but to see it when she looked in her direction.

Harrow is about to answer – or say something acerbic that does _not_ answer her question but instead insults her intelligence, of which there is little, to hear Harrow tell it. But then! The great discovery! Her eyes narrow as she spots the item that had hitherto gone unnoticed by her. Because Gideon had only hung it up five minutes ago, while Harrow was busy squinting at the squiggles in the dusty old tomes on front of her.

"What is this?" Harrow asks, her voice even more frightfully unamused than Gideon would have guessed. Which in turn amuses _her_ all the more.

"Oh, that?" Gideon makes a show of pretending to see it for the first time. "Why, I believe that's an actual wall calendar!"

"I can see that it's a calendar, Griddle."

"Then why are you asking what it is?"

"I'm asking what's the meaning of this!"

"If I were to hazard a guess," Gideon says very seriously, "I'd say the meaning of a calendar is to tell the one looking at it what date it is."

She fingers her chin thoughtfully to appear more musing, which was a shitty idea because it smudges the facepaint and now her hand is greasy.

"Let me ask again," Harrow says, her voice dangerously tight now. "Since you are obviously very dense. Why, oh why, is there a calendar in my study with _your_ face on it?"

"It's not just my face, you know."

To be fair, the rest is covered by her robe. But only on the first month's picture. After that, her robe is gone. And another clothing item after that. Each passing month reveals more skin – which would have been unthinkable on the Ninth where a patch of unpainted skin would send the nuns into a fit, though whether because it's _scandalous_ or because it makes them more keenly aware of the cold is anyone's guess – until finally, Gideon is flexing only in her sunglasses.

All in all a pretty sweet gift. She would give up half her porn collection to receive such a gift from Harrow. Or, maybe not half. Maybe a quarter. Harrow has already confiscated too many of her magazines. Gideon considers them downpayment.

"You _did_ this?" Harrow asks, horrified and hopefully a little turned on. She let the flimsy pages drop when she no doubt noticed Gideon wasn't getting any _less_ naked the further into the year you go.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Her grin is shameless to the extreme. "Thought you might enjoy it."

"Enjoy?!" Harrow asks shrilly, near apoplectic now. The whites of her eyes are showing and Gideon is pretty sure Harrow is crimson under her alabaster skull. "This is— this is _filth!"_

"Hey now, it's high art!" Okay, maybe not quite _high_ art, but still art. Took her quite some time to put it all together. "Artsy filth, at the very least." 

Harrow could at least appreciate the effort.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] My days are numbered](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29246187) by [Shmaylor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shmaylor/pseuds/Shmaylor)




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